an artist's thesis

there are a number of questions to ask when you begin drawing concepts for a new piece of art.

what do you want to draw? how do you want to draw it? will you experiment with any new materials? what are you trying to convey, if anything?

obviously, not every piece of art is going to be a fully rendered piece, or even something you intend to stand on its own as a 'work of art'. sometimes you're just drawing a simple fullbody of your roleplay character, and that doesn't need to have a meaning to it aside from 'this is my character just standing'.

but for more thought-out, orchestrated pieces, you should know where you want to source your inspiration from.

this inspiration can be anything, really. a general vibe or feeling, a memory, another artist's work (or multiple artists) with a distinctive theming, a color, a shape, whatever. sometimes you can go in with just a vague idea and then solidify it as you go.

recently, i've come to understand my own sources. i mean, sure, i've speculated on it for a long while, especially here on my site. but i think i've realized the overarching themes.

recently, i played katamari damacy for the ps2. i had a bit to say about it. it's a wonderful game about finding whimsicality in the mundane. the entire game is something of a daydream to me. have you ever imagined, as a child on a road trip, someone or something running alongside your car, racing you? it's kind of like that, i think. after finishing the game, i can't help but imagine a giant katamari running about gathering everything in my house.

but i think it's really exemplary of the kind of ideas i would like to capture in my own art. i want this feeling of familiarity, warmth, perhaps something "liminal" (i hate how overused the word has been used in recent years, but it fits perfectly here), something transitional, something marginal. you know? i enjoy making art that feels almost like a memory or a snapshot in time, one that invokes specific tactile feelings, or tangible feelings, i guess, more broadly. stuff like a crisp wind while the sun is hitting your back, or the smell of freshly-cut greenery. (harvard wrote a story on how scent can trigger memories!)

this is what i really resonated with when playing katamari. i think it did a really excellent job at walking the line between mundanity and something more fantastical. i mean, i read a lot of fantasy as a puppy, and i think it permanently influenced how i interface with the world. like, i wanted to pretend pokemon were real, or that you could find a totoro in the wild. you know? but more practically, i also enjoy the idea of incorporating tinier elements of fantasy - a little guy rolling a ball in a living room - that intertwine so perfectly into a real setting that you can't help but smile a little about it.

and although i think there's definitely a shared thread between katamari and my work, i think there's definitely a contrast to be had with what specific themes i explore. oftentimes there's a layer of melancholy in my art, or a blend of melancholy with nostalgia. i think i'd like to try moving away from it - as i once wrote, 'nostalgia is a half-memory', after all - and start focusing more on my 'here and now'. there's things to enjoy NOW, even if - no, especially because my memories will color my experiences. no one will experience things the same as me, and that's really awesome.

so i guess my current goal is to figure out what i can convey that people can still relate to while also trying to relate an unrelatable experience. not everything feels the same as something else, but humans* have a knack for trying to convey things like that regardless. i have conveyed a lot of more niche memories more recently, and thanks to plurality, i have been uncovering some that i thought had been completely lost to me. there are a few things i feel a little vulnerable about sharing that i may still make in the near future. these are also somewhat painful or traumatic memories to share, at least for me, not for the viewer, but i would hope that i can still touch on them without feeling scared to share them.

until then, i hope you can wait for me!

	listening to: katamari of love
	playing: okami (ps2)
	feeling: settled
	outside it is: sunny