Inspiration Wells

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art's been really rough for me lately, as i've had a lot of struggle doing things i want to do lately. (yes, my cpap machine is still in the mail, thank you very much!) and it is also very hard for me to want to draw when my tablet cable is still acting unwisely.

that said, it's interesting to note the sort of stuff i actually do draw lately. ive kind of fully leaned into this experimental, rough style that i feel embodies some sort of... i dunno, authenticity, or nostalgia. or both. it really lets me play outside the lines (so to speak!) and just get some feelings or vibes across.

i've gotten a habit of adding an outer frame to my art pieces, too. i think it just looks nice. feels like i am hanging a portrait on the wall. but the portrait is more like a transcription, i think. but anyway, it feels more structured to me. i almost didnt add one to my recent piece, hearth warming / heart warming, but it felt so... cramped? empty? i don't know. so i added one anyway. i hope it doesnt feel too boring if i do it a lot. but maybe you could consider that an artist trademark if i keep doing it. lol

i think it's interesting that i gravitate towards fond memories, though. i guess everyone has their 'inspiration well' (title drop!), and that's my current one, or something. i don't want to transcribe the sad stuff anymore. i used to! when i was still struggling emotionally in college and stuff. but now i think it just makes me feel worse to write it down.

or at the very least, i'd rather write down words if i want to process something like that. i'd prefer, if i am going to be conveying any sort of thought or message, being able to convey something that feels cozy, or warm, familiar, or something like those. i want to make people feel like they could step in and experience it a little. or maybe they'll see it and they'll keep it tucked away in their heart somewhere. i know i've seen some pieces like that from other artists that i do that with.

i don't know that it'd be a remnant of my old 'people pleaser' attitude. i don't feel the need to try so hard now to be liked. people will like me, or they won't. it probably helps that i already have an established support network and don't feel like i'm missing anything there.

that said, though, i am the kind of person who compliments passers-by on their hair or outfit whenever i go out. or i'll just apropos-of-nothing tell people what i think of them (positively). it's just something i like to do. so, it makes sense i'd want to do something similar in my art. like a sort of, 'here is a warm childhood memory i have, and maybe you can relate to it, too', sort of thing.

i dunno. lately i've thought about the meaning of life, and i think that it's the same as it always has been. even when we were still a baby species, you know, we would work hard to support each other, as a community. and we'd all be sort of, like, experiencing things, and be overwhelmed with the need to tell someone about it, to relate to them and connect with them. and that's why we are alive, i think. we're here to experience new things, and then collectively share these with each other. that's just how we're built.

maybe that's too optimistic? but i think there are factors that make people worse, and that we start in a place of curiosity. so regardless of where you end up, you start the same. does that make sense? i think i'm losing the plot a little here.