i tend to forget how much certain triggers can affect me. or like. i underestimate it. i go, "oh, well, i should be used to this sort of rhetoric, i can handle it, im stable!' but. um. ~2decades of bullying and shame do not disappear completely and it's like a really bad flare up when it rears its ugly head!

anyway, yesterday i read some stuff that really made me feel awful. im glad my girlfriend is so supportive of me. really pulled me out of it last night LOL i was going through the shit

i dunno how to describe it really. it's kind of like, it felt like i was on fire, or overheating, mentally, and my girlfriend talking to me felt kind of like having cool - not cold! - water poured on my head to cool me down. she really helps temper me much like a cool ass sword

so i guess the moral of the story is "a support network is extremely vital to recovery because sometimes you take a really bad fall into a pothole and need someone to hug u and help you get back out".