Stasis

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lately ive been feeling simultaneously like ive hit some sort of artistic sweet spot AND like im struggling a bit.

i think ive kind of found the kind of art i'd like to do. i am afraid to sort of pigeonhole myself as an artist, so i'm not going to say im stuck to just this stuff. but i found what i like to draw again. stuff that's kind of whimsical or fantastical but in a mundane way. you know? but at the same time, it's making me think i'm in a point of my life where things are getting stale, and that's why i'm probably looking back so much.

memory is a great font of inspiration, for sure! but i'm worried i'm stagnating by not making new experiences to draw on. i've been too tired, my dad has been too tired, etc, so we haven't gone out much at all. i feel like i'm losing something by staying inside, but it's becoming prohibitively warm outside, and i live in an area that is not built for pedestrian life (i live on a pretty steep hill with no sidewalks).

it feels increasingly apparent to me that i need to "log off" and do SOMETHING else. i feel bad waking up so late in the day and then just sitting at my desk til late in the night. i love spending time with my friends but i feel like i need to get some tangible hobby to do away from my desk...

i kind of wish i had a nice soft chair in my room to sit in. hell, i wish my current desk chair wasn't just a rocking chair, but that's 100 dollars. LOL. but in any case i kind of feel an urge to, like, redecorate my room, or something. maybe the smell of the fig tree in my yard outside is making me feel antsy for some sort of activity?

relatedly, i guess, since i wanted to draw more lately, i thought using the oekaki i've been posting on would be a nice way to do it. its limits are intriguing to me in a similar way to ms paint, and at the end i get to post it :) so it works out for everyone. i've made a soft promise to myself to try drawing on there once a day, even if it's just a little scribble, and i feel like it's working out so far. it's like using a sticky note to doodle and warm up for bigger things.

anyway, i should probably go clean my room.