life has a funny way of fucking with you, i think!

the last few days my leg um. well, title says it! further details, cw fatphobia and medical talk:

so, my legs've been in a state of swelling for.. a year, at least, now? every time i saw a doctor they'd do a quick ultrasound, figure out it wasn't a blood clot, and then not look into it further, telling me instead that i need to 'eat less salt' or 'do more exercise' or 'lose weight'. yknow. the usual fatphobic shit where they assume things about me and my lifestyle!

so i went to the ER yesterday, because the day before, around midday (4/30), my leg started leaking a clear fluid. at first, i thought maybe my cat had peed on my leg out of stress related to the new cpap machine in my room. but it didnt smell! so i went and took a shower, and the leaking was still present like an hour later.

so, yesterday morning (5/1) i went to the ER. they actually saw me fairly fast (maybe due to being 9am, so less people to look after?). i was fine enough aside from the medical issue bringing me in! told one of my nurses about how long it's been going and why i didnt get treatment earlier, and i went, you think the doctors were right? and she goes 'no. get a different doctor. :|' so, getting that sort of verification from a nurse makes me feel less bad about myself.

so since then, ive just been changing wrappings on my leg every half hour or so, but after sleeping for the night, my leg isn't actually doing the thing anymore. but um, yknow, i'm still elevating it. just in case. (they put me on a 'loop diuretic', so i need to go to the bathroom more, but if it fixes things, who give a shit.)

OTHER than THAT, i'm only in pain insofar as my chair position is compromised (so i can elevate my leg). i'm feeling particularly optimistic about it, though my dad is incredibly worried. (and with this on top of my ever-delayed dental appointment, it's concerning.)

sometimes, i'll admit, and more often recently, i've been worried i'm inheriting my mom's fragile immune system and illnesses. on the bright side, i'm gay and transgender with family and friends who love me and things i want to do. and my mental health is pretty spectacular, all things considered. i wanna live! i wanna kiss my girlfriend! i wanna draw funny animal art that speaks to my soul! and stuff.

so, yeah, i'm not overly afraid for my life right now. i think, for now, i'm in a good position, or as good of one as i can be in my pay bracket. dad's been a lot nicer lately, and i'm trying to pay him back in kind (lol).