the shrinking of the wide circle

lately i've been thinking a lot on how i engage with the internet, and how the internet engages with me.

there's a lot that's been said in more evocative, concise fashion about the way modern websites, communities, and "village commons" types of places online have been the target of degradation by big tech, billionaires, and the unholy cross-section of both. a lot of online social media has left me feeling more worn-down than ever.

i've been having some epiphanies lately. since the death of cohost, i've paid more attention to what i do on social media, how often i use it, and most importantly, what it makes me feel. i don't want to wax nostalgic about cohost (because, let's be real, i have my own complaints about it!), but i do think that it was one of the best modern social medias in terms of finding content to really sink my teeth into. i loved the longform essays people would write, the little tangents, you know, it really tickled me how often i stumbled upon posts that were made by people with obvious care about the subject.

the thing about "social media" now is that it's very shortform. twitter has a character limit ("brevity is the soul of wit" or whatever). fediverse is sort of like twitter (often with a more lengthy character limit, thankfully), in that it isn't really ideal for writing an essay in the same way a website like cohost - or tumblr. it's meant for short bursts of posts. you're meant to slide through without needing to commit to reading a whole thing.

i would argue that this is especially impacted by the prevalence of phone users, but i know my perception is skewed; i know multiple people who love reading things on their phone, but i myself really dislike reading at-length in that format. i feel cramped, and i don't like having to scroll so much, whereas using a website on my desktop allows me to see more content at once.

anyway, more to-the-point: i find myself actively "engaging" in things that have more meat, now. i've become bored of shortform posting except for when i'm multitasking. i want to feel like i'm really sitting with whatever i'm doing. i also want to avoid a surplus of negative posts, or ones that just kind of add background noise or stress. it's why i don't touch bluesky (and stopped using twitter some years ago). the platform is built off of interaction, and that interaction doesn't have to be positive. people write ragebait constantly. so many emotionally-charged posts written in ways to evoke the feeling of "this person is so stupid, i need to tell them exactly how stupid right now."

and, to be honest, i think that's a terrible way to interact with other people online!

that's one thing i really enjoyed about cohost. not only were people writing long posts about niche things, but there was this overarching feeling of "i should tell the author that i liked what they wrote, and what parts i liked." i still didn't do it nearly enough as i wanted to on there, but i tried. i think that commenting on an artist's work, whether it's written, drawn, or composed, is vital to feeding their soul. you can't pour from an empty cup, and that includes painting on a canvas with no paint. we are social creatures that need encouragement that what we are doing is worthwhile.

so currently, my main social platforms are mastodon, tumblr, and this website. they aren't the only websites i use, but they are the ones i use for specifically social interaction rather than, say, using sheezyart or artfight for art posting. i've been slowly removing myself from tumblr; i find that i don't really get anything of worth out of it anymore. it's just been stressful to scroll through. occasionally there's a funny post, but more often than not i just see something that frustrates me, annoys me, or makes me feel sad. and like, obviously there will always be a level of discomfort in traversing a social platform, but it's just been so prevalent that i can't really enjoy myself there anymore.

so i guess i've become almost an internet hermit, since mastodon is the less popular sibling of bluesky in some respects and i'm not going to move to bsky just to keep in touch with people. you have my website, you might have my email, you might have my discord. i'm not a total recluse yet, but it's just easier to keep my focus on websites that don't make me feel like i'm traversing a minefield.

it helps that i've converted myself from shortform media to longform, because i now subscribe to quite a few rss feeds! it feels like i'm making my own little web with it. you should give it a try. it's like creating bridges between islands...

anyway, what have i been up to, then? a few things, i guess:

• i dualbooted linux for the first time (considering moving to it)
• played a lot of video games i hadn't played or finished before (spyro 1, magician's quest, animal snap, sims ds, pokemon puzzle challenge..)
• drew a lot for artfight (though i am nearing my end-of-month burnout)
• tried to back up my files to a 1tb drive that ended up being bogus (so i need to find something else)
• got cpap supplies after six months of none at all
• played a lot of pokemon go (but recently it has stopped supporting my phone model...)
• kept my room tidy
• browsed the vhs vault on archive.org

other than that, more of the same. not that i mind so much. if only it was easier to go places!

	listening to: musical transients - psynwav
	playing: animal snap
	feeling: pinched
	outside it is: sunny